right now i do not realli have anything much to do lols(yea i noe, ive got hw and revision to do. for some reason, i dun feel like doin so for the whole day x.x)
so here i am giving in to SOME ppl's demands. lol
O lvls are so sooo close... -.-
22 days to be exact zzz.
how on earth am i gonna pull my failing sciences to at least a B in 20 days?
owell, we'll see.
and im celebrating my ahma's bdae tmr.
having second thoughts on whether or not i shld attend her 80 smth bdae.
yet again..i wanna meet up wif my beloved cousins whom i missed for almost the whole year ):
haiz..dilemma dilemma.

anyways,
recently ive been hearing alot abt some ppl
even though im supposed to be worried abt myself and not be too presumptuous ,i cant help it but to voice out my concern
long story short: even though the tension to score well for O lvls is rising, we shld take it in our stride.
so wad if ure stressed out?
wad right do we have to pull others down together with us?
all in all, we shldnt let the O lvls affect us negatively not only emotionally but in terms of character as well.
and here i am contradicting myself hehs.
not to mention, i dun even noe wad im talking abt -_-
huever is reading this post is probably wasting his/her time lmao.
but hey, at least its longer than david's scamming post(the one tt cheats ppl's feelings HAH)

Just something to share with all of you:
When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place

i got this sentence frm ZhiHui and ive been advocating it ever since. (:

hahs
yups david is right i guess.
i aint leaving yet so i shldnt post the post i posted hours ago lols.
u guys will have to wait till the last day of Os then, which will be on 13th nov - 2 mths from now
i'll post it up again on tt day.
guess those hu were lucky enuff to read it for the past few hours wld be considered largely priviledged lols.
owell. happy waiting.

In the mean time i will have to place in every effort in improving my results.
my prelim results were horrible.
yea sure, failed 3-4 sub. among the 3 are my 3 sciences. D7 D7 F9. lol
but i was satisfied.
mostly becoz i achieved results that i wldnt expect.
i got to bask in the limelight for awhile and to tell u the truth, i was overwhelmed with emotions when my name was mentioned.
simple incidents like these really brought satisfaction to my soul.
at least i noe tt the efforts i put in were not in vain. (:

O lvls are drawing nearer and we cant afford to stop working now.
each and everyone of us are racing towards the finishing line of our secondary school life.
the last lap.
the last 100m.
do not stop now.
lets not disappoint our teachers and loved ones.
lets all finish the race, together.

im frustrated
everything is just not going the direction i want them to be.
my faith in Him grows weak day by day, my family continues to break apart with each passing minute despite my efforts , i have completely no interest in studies now, frens turn against me, i worry for many, im starting to lose sight of my values etc etc ETC.
argh -.-
the hatred held against me, the anger dwelling inside me.
wad on earth is going on?

and i just threw jovi's soft toy away from him.
somehow i start to wonder whether or not im sufferring from some mental illness =_=
symptoms of depression? lols
there are just too many things to handle.
it is just soooooo...debilitating.

O lvls are coming up and im still idling my time away.
there is just no drive for me to press on and more demoralising incidents are sure to come.
ive completely nothing to shield myself from these setbacks
ive no army, no armour, no weapons
nothing
all i have is my physical vulnerable body and frail mental strength
i forget my values, i lose control over my mind and worse of all i lose the discipline.
im clambering abv the level of breaking down as my strength and will to strive on are slowly depleting.
*sigh*

one of my biggest worry for those i know, is the strength of their fighting spirit.
their will to change, their discipline for self-control and to noe where to draw the line.
even despite noeing tt it is not right to commit such an act, carrying them out seems almost inevitable to them.
the nice and sweet ppl i knew had grown into someone i have no recognition of.
some slowly and easily leading themselves to oblivion, despite the many pleas tt had fallen on deaf ears.
by my silence, it nv meant tt i condoned to such behaviour.
by my silence, i trusted for ur discipline and initiative to do something about it.
why be so vulnerable?
why be a slave to this world?
why be lazy?
why be self-centered?
why bluff urself?
why do u even do them when the repercussions can be horrifying?
assumptions will only remain as assumptions until someone clears them all
its ok to hate me as long as u realize the truth.
its ok to find me annoying as long as u noe the purpose of my actions.
i will take everything in my stride

every single ounce of strength i have left no matter how weak or how fragile, i'll retaliate, i'll fight back.
and i have no idea wad im talking abt.
we fight our problems everyday and it doesnt hurt anyone to let it all out once in awhile, right?
Trust Him, Clarice.

Everyone's worried , including those hu are not realli close to u.
Get your priorities right.
the little actions done can make a great impact not onli on u, but others as well.
uve everything to lose by doin absolutely nothing
but uve nth to lose by doin somethin abt it.
Come on.
Make a difference in ur life.
lead and manage it, together with God.